Always put your shoes on after your underpants.
There are two types of people in this world. That's all. Just two.
Necessity is the mother of invention. But the father is a condom made of cling film.
Shampoo doesn't taste as nice as it smells but sunscreen does.
Having a passing car run over your foot, even if it's slowly, will break all your toes.
While clapping may bring Tinker Bell back to life, it won't work with the bodies in my basement.
You can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them, and hope they panic and give in.
Steam rollers don't roll steam.
Men are idiots no matter what they think.
Beware of buisness enterprises that require you to stand by the side of a highway dressed in a chicken suit and wave wildly at passing cars.
Don't drink and drive... You might go over a speed hump and spill your beer.
He who lives in a glass house should build the bathroom in the basement.
Always make sure the bungee cord is shorter than the distance to the ground
My brother does not look good in a halter top.
